I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
