If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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