I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
