My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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