Buhtt sex?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
