I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
