There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
