when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
