after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
