My liver just broke up with me...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
