found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
