At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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