A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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