I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
