so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
