So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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