How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to make out with him forever
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
