he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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