He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
