Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
