Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
