We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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