Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize