we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
