i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize