i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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