I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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