Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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