Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
