every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
