you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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