Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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