She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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