It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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