i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
two words: eviction party
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
