The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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