I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
