hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
