that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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