I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
