is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
