you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So many bounce houses so little time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
