this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
