when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
