um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
