Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
