Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
