We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
