I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
