my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
