she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
