I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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