He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
