I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
