finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
