i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
