well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
