I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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