This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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