I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
