so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
