you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
