I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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