I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
