At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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