i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
