I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
