So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
