One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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