I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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