I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
so much tequila, so little girl.
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