i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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