that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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