Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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