Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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